


Only Time Will Tell [Freehoun]

by Rammboy



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Aliens, American Sign Language, Angst, Black Mesa (Half-Life), City 17 (Half-Life), Discrimination, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Headcrabs (Half-Life), Homophobia, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mute Gordon Freeman, No Smut, Selectively Mute Gordon Freeman, Shyness, Sign Language, Smile, Soldiers, Trains, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27965951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rammboy/pseuds/Rammboy
Summary: >The first time Barney saw Gordon was at Black Mesa on the scientist’s first day.>The first time Barney saw Gordon after the Black Mesa incident was twenty years after it, when Gordon arrived at City 17.>And the last time Barney saw Gordon, was when he left City 17, without ever knowing if Gordon made it and left as well.<><><><><>Barney fell in love immediately after meeting Gordon. But the environment they lived in was not the best to develop a relationship. Even if they were fighting for their freedom against the Combine, they managed to keep strong feelings for each other.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :)  
> This is my first ever one shot about Half-Life so please dont judge too fast ^^'  
> Since I'm really not a professional of the game, there can be some mistakes  
> I hope you will enjoy it :D

_ The first time Barney saw Gordon was at Black Mesa on the scientist’s first day. _

Barney woke up groggily, slamming his hand against his alarm clock. He didn’t want to go work. The scientists would only make fun of him and disrespect him. He was used to it, but it still hurt a bit. He sat on his bed, his face in his hands. He was so tired. He gave himself a pat on the back and sat up, his legs aching a little from standing up all the time. He winced slightly and walked toward the small sink to splash water on his head.

He was glad he had been assigned to the Blue Shift assignment among his promotion, he could have a better dorm and a better salary, and thanks to the Blue Shift he could wake up a bit later than usual. His promotion allowed him to have a sink, a shower and a TV he could watch from his bed. He still had to go to the cafeteria to eat with the other security guards for breakfast. At lunch, he could go into the employees’ cafeteria among the scientists. He hated going there, but he didn’t have the choice.

The guard took a deep breath as he looked at himself in the small mirror. The bags under his eyes were more visible as the days passed; he really needed to sleep more. He ignored them and hopped in the shower after undressing himself. He let out a groan of satisfaction as the hot water hit his skin. It felt really good on his all tensed up body. He thought about masturbating to blow off some steam but he realized he didn’t have the time when he glanced at his clock. He sighed and washed himself quickly. After drying himself off, he put on his uniform; a blue shirt and a black tie with black trousers and black boots. He would go search for his bulletproof vest and helmet later in his locker before taking the tram to the Sector C Test Labs.

After finishing tying his tie, he looked at himself one last time into the mirror, ran a hand through his damp hair and, once satisfied with how he looked, left his bedroom to eat at the cafeteria. When he walked in, he didn’t see anyone he was close enough with to sit with, ‘Another breakfast alone,’ he thought as he took his plate. He sat all by himself and ate his dry cereals. Too bad he didn’t like coffee, because he knew would need it as he was ready to fall asleep. He shook himself awake and quickly ate the rest of his food; he was going to be late, and he couldn’t let that happen. After putting his plate on the tray and grabbing the rest of his uniform in his locker, he quickly left to finally begin his shift. Wait, he had to take the tram first. It wasn’t that unpleasant. He liked seeing life in Black Mesa during the ride. So much was happening here! He sat down on a seat and waited. The ride wasn’t that boring, he was listening to the other guards’ conversation. Nothing really interesting. When they arrived in the Test Labs area, he climbed down the tram and began heading to where he was supposed to stay.

On the way, his gaze fell on a man he had never seen before. He seemed lost. Barney stayed still for a few seconds, maybe he could help him. He ignored the fact that the man looked really nice and cute as he walked toward him, “Hey, you seem quite lost, need any help?” He called and mentally cringed, ‘Go make a fool of yourself Calhoun, the guy will never want to talk to you after that,’ the man turned around and looked at Barney shyly and nodded. The guard quickly read his tag and smiled, “Alright Doctor Freeman, where do you need to go? I’m Officer Calhoun by the way,” he tried to not sound unprofessional but friendly enough to make the Doctor comfortable. He couldn’t help but notice how green his eyes were, they were absolutely beautiful. The other man began moving his hands and Barney quickly understood that it actually meant something, which made him panic, “Wait a little please, I’m really not a pro of sign language so... Can you go a little slower please?” He hoped he didn’t make Freeman mad.

At the contrary, the man seemed happy that at least one person could understand him, even if he had to be slow. He restarted signing in a slower way.

“[I have to go to the locker room to retrieve my briefcase, but I don’t know where it is.]” Barney nodded along as he understood what Freeman meant.

“Oh alright,” he looked up at the man and smiled, “Follow me Doc,” he began to walk toward the wall, “You see, these lines can actually guide you,” he explained while pointing then. Freeman felt stupid for not having noticed. Barney saw it and smiled sadly, “Hey don’t worry Doc, is it your first day here?” The Doctor nodded. So he was new here... That explained why he had never seen him before, “That’s completely normal then, I was so lost the first time I got here,” he chuckled, trying to ignore all the nasty looks he received from scientists that were walking through the corridor.

“Another one paid to do nothing,” he heard. His smile faded and he looked down, ‘You’re used to it Calhoun, don’t pay attention to it,’ he thought, more to reassure himself than stating the truth. He could see a frown on Freeman’s face.

“[Are you okay?]” He signed. Barney smiled slightly and nodded.

“Yeah don’t worry, it’s just that us, security guards, aren’t as smart as them, and don’t do huge experiences like y’all. So we are sometimes considered as inferior because we only guard places. But it’s okay, I’m used to it,” he lied and fake smiled at the end. He clearly wasn’t okay with it, but he didn’t want Freeman to worry about him. He wasn’t that important. Freeman didn’t seem to believe him but didn’t sign anything. Barney then cleared his throat and escorted the Doctor to the locker room. Inside they met another random scientist.

“Ah Gordon,” he smiled, “Doctor Kleiner is waiting for you in his lab, hurry up son,” he patted his shoulder and left. So Freeman’s name was Gordon... ‘Beautiful name for a beautiful person,’ Barney thought. He didn’t even flinch at the dirty look he was given. He knew he shouldn’t stay here for too long, since he wasn’t very welcomed here and that he didn’t even have his own locker in this room. He awkwardly cleared his throat.

“W-Well I gotta go bud, it was nice meeting you,” he smiled, hoping the blush on his face wasn’t too obvious. He waved shyly at Gordon who waved back at him with a warm smile. Barney didn’t wait anymore and went back to his post. His heart was beating so fast in his chest, it was pounding. He also felt very hot, but the robotic voice remembered that the temperature was maintained at 20°C. What was happening to him? He stood in front of the door he had to guard and buried himself in his thoughts. He wasn’t... No he couldn’t be, he would be dead on the spot.

He couldn’t be in love with Doctor Gordon Freeman.

He gasped as his eyes shot open. It wasn’t possible, he couldn’t be! He knew he wasn’t really liked here, but if the fact that he could be gay was known he would be so dead. Some very evil scientists could try to put poison in his lunch clamming it would be an experiment. He knew they were able to do that. He was scared. He took a deep breath, ‘Calm down, they don’t know anything. Those nerds are too busy on their own experiments,’ Barney tried to reassure himself but it just terrified him. He didn’t have the right to fall in love with Freeman. The man would never like him, he was way too superior. Bad thoughts filled his mind during the rest of his shift.

It was now lunch time. Barney sighed, he hated going in there. He slowly walked in and saw a couple of scientists already sat at the table. Perfect, he would only have to buy a snack and a drink from the vending machines, and then leave. He took a coin from his pocket and slipped it into the vending machine to buy himself a soda can and a bag of chips as well as a chocolate bar. It was the only thing he loved about the cafeteria. He bent down to take his food, ignoring the mean chuckles from the scientists.

“He’s not even allowed to have his own food,” one said. Barney rolled his eyes.

“Leave it, he needs to eat richer food after his long day of work of doing nothing,” another answered sarcastically, making everyone laugh. Barney was internally fuming.

“Oh fuck you all, it’s thanks to us that y’all are still alive, or that all your computers and machines still work,” Barney nearly yelled, his face red from anger. One of the scientists, an old man with white hair, chuckled.

“As if we didn’t know how to protect ourselves,” he waved Barney away and kept talking in a sarcastic way, “yes yes thank you, your team is very useful and we need you, goodbye now, you have a lot of work to do right? Such as... Experiments?” The scientists all laughed and Barney rolled his eyes, sighing. He just walked away, not noticing Gordon who had been standing here the whole time Barney argued with the scientists. The guard needed to be alone. He didn’t feel like staying with people. He simply walked toward the grid of a vent and pulled it away so he could crawl into the vent and reach Doctor Kleiner’s lab. With a little chance he was eating outside of his lab. When he saw light, he stopped to listen if there was anyone in the room. It seemed to be empty. Perfect. He crawled toward the grid and pushed it with his foot, so he could climb down without being upside-down. He smiled sadly to himself as he sat down on the floor and began to eat. It wasn’t luxurious, but it filled his stomach so it was fine.

As he was finishing his dessert, he heard some metallic noise coming from the vent above him. Was a scientific coming to hurt him because of what he said earlier? No, they were too smart to use vents like he did. His heart began to beat faster in anticipation because he had no idea on who it could be. He was the only one who used vents. Foot appeared as the person was climbing down. Barney froze when he recognized Gordon. How did he know he was here!? The guard felt his face getting hot and he looked down to hide his blush, “W-What are you doing here?” He asked shyly. Gordon sat on the floor in front of him and began to sign.

“[I heard you talk with my colleagues, though I still don’t know them. You seemed really sad so I thought it would be nice of me to comfort you. What they said to you was awful, and I apologize for them. You are useful Officer Calhoun--]”

“Barney,” the other man cut the doctor off, “My name’s Barney... Don’t need formalities here...” He was just a security guard after all. Formalities between guards were nearly nonexistent, as they all practically knew each other a lot. But with scientists it was different, since guards were considered as inferior by a lot of them.

“[Alright Barney],” Freeman smiled, “[As I was saying, you are useful. It’s not because you don’t do experiences like us that you are useless. I agree with what you said earlier. Thank you for being here Barney],” Barney felt a pang of hurt in his chest. Why was Gordon being so nice to him? He didn’t need to worry about him, about a poor security guy.

“Thank you Gord... It means a lot,” his heart was pounding in his chest as he looked up at the doctor. He couldn’t help but notice his perfect green eyes. If only he could lose himself into them for a few minutes to escape the hard reality... His beard and brown hair seemed so soft. He wished he could stroke it. Wait, what was he thinking?!

“[Are you okay?]” Gordon sighed, worry clearly noticeable on his face. Barney looked down, ashamed of his thoughts, ‘You can’t think about a man like that! It’s not right!’ More homophobic thoughts made their way into his mind, and that pained him. Homophobia was quite present in Black Mesa, especially among security guards and nearly not among scientists. That was another form of discrimination between them. Barney knew he couldn’t be obvious about this, or the consequences would be... really bad for him.

He froze when he felt a hand being gently placed on his shoulder. He didn’t even notice Gordon shifting next to him. His blush was now obvious, and that made him panic. He began shaking slightly.

“[What’s wrong? Are you okay?]” Gordon was definitely worried. Barney scratched the back of his head.

“I’m fine, thanks Bud,” he smiled shyly at the doctor, “I just remembered I was going to be late for my shift,” he sat up, immediately missing Gordon’s touch, “Thank you a lot for staying with me,” he kept smiling as he talked. He was really grateful for Freeman's help, and that strengthened his crush on him by a lot. He tried to ignore that fact and waved at him after telling him “goodbye”.

They didn’t see each other for the rest of the day. When his shift ended, at 10pm, he could finally go back to his dorm, in the Area 8 Topside Dormitories. He nearly fell asleep on the tram, but managed to keep himself awake. He put his bullet proof vest and helmet in his locker before going into his bedroom. It was Friday night, so the other security guards were having a movie night. He didn’t feel like going, so he discreetly went into his room so he wouldn’t be noticed and dragged into the small party. After locking his door, he got undressed, leaving himself in his black boxers and a white t-shirt and flopped down on his bed, burying his face into his pillow. He was so tired.

He then wondered what Gordon could do at this time. Maybe he was already sleeping, or still working on an experiment. Maybe he was taking care of his family as well. His family. Barney sighed. Of course he had a family to take care of. The guard felt suddenly very lonely. He wished he had the strength to go to the movie night with the others but he was way too tired for it. He sighed again and tried to fall asleep without thinking about Gordon too much. It failed.

<><><><><>

Barney and Gordon quickly grew closer as time passed. They organized their own movie nights every Friday evenings, they raced each other in the vents to see who would reach Dr Kleiner’s lab first when the latter locked himself out, Gordon often asked for him to assist him during experiments... They became best friends. Barney was really happy about it, even if his crush remained stronger and stronger. It wasn’t a problem tho, Barney didn’t plan to confess at all, because he couldn’t lose his best friend.

Eventually May 16th arrived. Barney was scared shirtless. All these creatures invading Black Mesa was just pure chaos. As he was shooting headcrabs and other nasty things, he saw an unconscious Gordon being pulled by some aliens to somewhere he didn’t know.

That was the last time he saw Gordon Freeman.


	2. Chapter 2

_ The first time Barney saw Gordon after the Black Mesa incident was twenty years after it, when Gordon arrived at City 17. _

Gordon Freeman was considered dead, and that had crushed Barney. Freeman was dead without ever knowing Barney’s true feelings. His body was never found, and they didn’t have any clues on where it could be. The only thing they had from him was the HEV suit. They just knew it was thanks to him that the Black Mesa Incident stopped. Barney had been devastated. With Dr Kleiner, Dr Eli Vance and his daughter Alyx, they organized a small ceremony to honour Gordon after what he did. Barney hadn’t been able to keep his tears, and he had sobbed so hard for the first time in years. Fortunately his friends had comforted him, but it hadn’t been enough. He terribly missed his best friend and secret crush.

Barney had managed to infiltrate the Civil Protection of City 17. He was now a part of the Resistance against the Combine Empire that had invaded Earth the day after the Black Mesa Incident. It had taken 7 hours for them to take control of Earth, which gave the name of the Seven Hour War. He was currently observing through security cameras people who were arriving in City 17 by the train. He felt a bit sad for them. He froze when he recognized a man, who had brown hair and a beard with glasses on his green eyes. No... It couldn’t be... Gordon Freeman!? Barney thought he was hallucinating. But then he looked closer and it was indeed Gordon Freeman, ‘Oh my fucking God it’s him,’ he thought. He couldn’t let him go like that to Nova Prospekt and never see him again. He was their chance to finally finish this war. Barney quickly walked out of the room and reached Freeman, who was about to leave forever.

“You citizen, come with me,” he pointed out Gordon, smiling behind his mask. That was definitely him. The man he thought he would never see again, was standing right in front of him, twenty years after having disappeared. He still looked like he was 27 years old, he hadn’t changed at all. He was wearing the citizen uniform, as if he was a part of them. Gordon looked scared. That was understandable, maybe he didn’t know where he was going. Barney went back into the building, Gordon following. He was a bit shaking, but it would be over soon. Barney tried to reassure himself as he was guiding Freeman through the corridor. He knocked on the door, and a soldier opened the door.

“Get in! Need any help with this one?” He asked and Barney shook his head.

“No I am good,” he answered as the soldier left the room, leaving him and Gordon alone, “I am gonna need me some privacy for this,” he added as he turned off the cameras of the room. He could feel Gordon being scared. He had to make him feel safe. He sighed quietly and began to take off his mask, “Now...” His voice was still modified by the filter of the mask. He completely took it off, feeling the cool hair against his face.

He put it on the monitor next to the buttons of the keyboard and turned around, letting Gordon finally see him, “About that beer I owed you,” Gordon frowned, “It’s me Gordon, Barney from Black Mesa,” he tried to stay casual as panic washed over him. He felt relieved when Gordon’s eyes widened. He didn’t forget about him, “Sorry for the scare I had to put on a show for the cameras. I have been working undercover with civil protection, I can’t take too long or they will get suspicious, I am way behind on my beating quota,” he chuckled to himself, looking down. After sighing quietly, he looked up at Gordon, “I’m really happy to see you Bud,” he felt tears pearling in his eyes. He was so glad to see him again, it was the first time in nearly twenty years!

Gordon stayed still. His eyes were glimmering with tears. Was he happy? Barney couldn’t tell. Gordon signed something very quickly before launching himself into Barney’s chest, wrapping his arms around him. Barney nearly lost his balance from the strength Gordon had put, but leaned on the monitor so he wouldn’t fall. He hugged Gordon back, really tightly. Tears were now falling down his cheeks. He was finally holding the man he loved after all these years.

“Where have you been Darling...? It’s been nearly twenty years... ” he muttered, stroking his hair gently. He froze for a few seconds when he realized how he had called Gordon, but then didn’t care as the situation was too much for him. Gordon pulled away slowly, both of them were now crying silently.

“[I was put in stasis... I was out of time so... I didn’t feel all the years pass... You’ve changed a lot Barney but...]” Gordon looked down with a smile, “[You are still really cute],” Barney’s eyes widened. He didn’t consider himself as cute, since he aged by a lot and that now he was old enough to be Gordon’s father. He then felt himself blush, so he looked down to hide it, but Gordon had already noticed it, “[No need to be shy, it’s just me],” Gordon signed and Barney chuckled.

“It’s not that Gordy... Do you realize that you could be my son now? I’m nearly 40, I can’t be cute anymore. You are tho,” he added quietly hoping Gordon didn’t hear. Of course he did.

“[We can be both cute then, if you want],” Barney chuckled and Gordon did too. After a while, Gordon signed again, “[I really missed you],” he sniffed and buried his face into Barney’s neck. The older man immediately hugged him tightly, letting his tears roll freely down his cheeks.

“I missed you too so much,” he began, “We all thought you were dead Buddy... We all mourned you. The worst was when we found your HEV suit, because we couldn’t find your body. We didn’t know if you were really dead or kidnapped somewhere on Earth or Xen. I was devastated,” he sniffed and held Gordon tighter, “I have to confess something,” that was it, he was going to tell him. He realized that it could be the last time he would see Gordon, and he had to know the truth. He pulled away slightly, his hands resting on the Doctor’s waist while Freeman’s stayed on his shoulders, “I...” it was hard for him to tell after all these years, “I... The first time I met you... I... You looked so lost...” He smiled as he looked away, “And you were... The most beautiful man I had never seen in my life... At first I was disgusted with my thoughts, because there were not... Normal... In Black Mesa I mean,” he quickly added. Gordon nodded, his cheeks were all flushed red, “Maybe you will be disgusted as well, but...” He took a deep breath. He was going to reveal his most hidden secret. He looked into Gordon’s eyes, they were still as green as before, “I fell love with you the day I met you, and the feeling had never gone away,” He closed his eyes, hoping Gordon would take it well.

He began to panic when Gordon pulled away. He was looking down, as if he was thinking deeply about what he was going to say. With a quiet sigh, he began to sign.

“[I have to admit I had already noticed it],” Barney felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. He had been too obvious, Gordon knew, “[Don’t panic Love],” Gordon smiled gently at the panicking Barney who was standing in front of him, “[I didn’t do anything about it because I didn’t really know how to make you understand that I loved you too],” Barney froze and his eyes widened.

“W-What do you mean?”

“[I wanted to be sure you would understand everything I would tell you. From the beginning I wanted to protect you from all the scientists who were really not nice with you. I wanted to comfort you every time you felt sad, but I didn’t know how to properly tell you my feelings. That’s why I had begun to write you a letter, but I never got the chance to give it to you, because of the Incident. I don’t really remember what it was saying, but I know I was telling how much I loved you, and how much I was glad of you being my best friend...]” He stopped to look into Barney’s eyes, which were full of tears, “[Are you okay?]” Barney chuckled out a sob. He nodded and wiped his eyes.

“Don’t worry about me Darling,” he let out a shaky breath, “I’m just- I’m- I thought you didn’t love me the way I did- Still do by the way,” he scratched the back of his head, feeling stupid.

“[I feel the same way],” Gordon smiled, “[I love you Barney],” The soldier was as red as a tomato now. He didn’t know if he should initiate something, like a kiss, so he stayed still. Gordon slowly approached him and gently took his gloved hand. Barney felt hotter and hotter. He squeezed his lover’s hand to show him that he appreciated the contact.

“I’m sorry to ruin the moment,” Barney sighed, “but I have to let doctor Kleiner know that you’re alive,” he turned toward the monitor and typed something to call the doctor, still holding his hand.

“Yes Barney what is it? I am in the middle of a critical test,” they heard as Isaac’s face appeared on the screen.

“Sorry doc, but look who’s here,” Barney answered, squeezing Gordon’s hand and smiling at him. Doctor Kleiner stopped whatever he was doing to look at Barney and then gasped.

“Great Scott! Gordon Freeman! I expected more warning,” he seemed really surprised to see him. Barney chuckled.

“Yeah you and me both doc. He was about to board the express train to Nova Prospekt,” The soldier had been quite worried about that fact. It clearly showed that Gordon didn’t know where he was going at all. They kept talking a little until Barney began to get really anxious, “Listen I gotta go doc, we are taking enough chances as it is,” if they took too long he wouldn’t have any cover anymore and he wouldn’t be able to spy on the Combine.

“Very well. And eh Gordon? It’s good to see you,” Doctor Kleiner smiled and then the screen went black.

“Okay Gordon,” Barney turned toward Gordon and put his hands on his hips, “you’re going to have to make your way to Dr. Kleiner’s lab. I wish I could come with you, but I can’t, or I’ll be discovered,” he looked down sadly, “Can... Can I kiss you?” He just wanted to have a bit of contact before letting Freeman leave again. At his surprise, Gordon smiled and nodded before wrapping his arms around his neck. Barney looked up and lost himself in his green eyes like he dreamt of twenty years ago and then leaned in slowly. He pressed a gentle kiss to the doctor’s lips, not wanting to do too much for their first kiss. It felt incredible, for both of them. Barney didn’t want to let him go but he had to.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. They both jumped and Barney opened the other door of the room, “You need to go Darling,” he spoke quickly as he held Gordon’s hand, “I’ll see you in Kleiner’s lab, please stay safe I can’t lose you another time, okay? I love you,” Freeman placed a soft kiss on his right cheek, tracing the scar with thumb.

“[I love you too, and I will, I promise you],” Gordon was determined to find his lover back after his little journey. Barney gently took Gordon’s face into his hands and pecked his lips.

“Good luck Darling.”

That was the last thing they told each other before meeting in the lab.

<><><><><>

Barney and Gordon met each other a few other times, but they didn’t get the chance to have a moment for themselves. It was painful for both of them, but they couldn’t let their feelings compromise their mission. A lot of people counted on them, so they couldn’t fail.

After being separated for a while, they finally found each other at the train station. Little did they know they wouldn’t see each other for a while after this...


	3. Chapter 3

_ … And the last time Barney saw Gordon, was when he left City 17, without ever knowing if Gordon made it and left as well. _

Each time citizens arrived into the train Barney grew more and more scared. He really hoped Gordon would make it. He had given so much of himself for the other people. He deserved to be safe now. When the last group of citizens arrived, Barney knew it would be very hard.

“You aren’t coming... right?” Barney tried to not sob as Alyx shook her head sadly.

“No. Gordon and I are going to kill the soldiers and the Strider so you will be able to leave without problem,” she explained. Barney looked down, tears pearling in the corners of his eyes.

“A-Alright...” He slowly walked toward the train that was ready to go. All he could hear were gunshots and Striders heavy steps. They had to be quick, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave without talking to Gordon. He froze when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Gordon, fully crying. Barney dropped his gun and just hugged him tightly and cried. He had waited twenty years to see him again, and now he was going to leave him, without being sure that they would meet again in the future. Gordon pulled away and began to sign really quickly as he knew they didn’t have a lot of time.

“[Listen Barney, I’m so sorry for not coming with you, but Alyx and I have to make sure that you leave City 17 alive. I love you so much don’t ever forget that, alright?]” Barney let out a sob.

“You are the kindest human being on this planet, do you know that?” He sniffed and smiled through his tears, “I fucking love you Darling, it’s just so hard of seeing you staying here while I leave. How do I know if you get killed? Will we ever meet again? I can’t lose you Gord I can’t... Not another time...” He was crying freely. He knew he should have been strong but he went through so much to keep himself in a casual posture.

“[We will Love, I swear on everything... Can I kiss you?]” ‘One last time’, Gordon thought, not wanting to be too pessimistic. Barney nodded. He definitely needed it. Gordon grabbed his upper arms and pulled him closer and then kissed the older man deeply. They didn’t care that Alyx was watching them from behind the huge glass. She felt really sad for them, even if she didn’t know they were a thing at first. She would ask Gordon later.

Barney grabbed his lover’s side to keep contact. He needed to feel him one last time. Their tears mixed with each other’s, and Gordon got dust on his face because of Barney. He didn’t give a fuck of course. Gordon pulled away and held the soldier’s right cheek in his palm, stroking it gently before giving his lips a soft kiss. Barney pushed his lips against Gordon and then the train horn rang. That was it. Barney gasped, feeling more tears falling down his cheeks. They detached themselves from each other painfully.

“I love you Gordon,” he simply said, staring at the other man as he took his gun and climbed onto the train.

“[I love you too. See you soon my Love],” Gordon signed, smiling with tears rolling down his cheeks and wetting his glasses.

“See you soon Darling,” Barney smiled back and the train began to leave the train station. It crushed the soldier but he now had to protect the citizens. His feelings had to wait, as painful as it was.

Alyx gave Gordon a quick hug before they had to beat down the strider and the soldiers. After that they could take the last train and finally leave City 17. It was hard, but the thought of seeing Barney again motivated Gordon, ‘Soon Barney, soon...’

Barney watched as City 17 began smaller and smaller. It made him feel so sad, knowing that Gordon was still risking his life there. He knew his lover was strong, so he didn’t worry too much, but still a bit. He sighed and walked into the train so he could finally sit down. He looked through the window, the landscapes passing as they went away more and more from City 17.

‘He’ll be fine... He has to be...’ he thought as he looked at the fields and plains.

They both hoped they would meet again. They were tired of being separated. Hope always stayed on their minds, even if they didn’t have a clue about where the other could be or if he was still alive, since everything could happen. Barney didn’t sleep for days. He wanted to know if his lover was still alive and if he had managed to leave City 17. Unfortunately, no one could give him the answer.

Only time would tell...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only Valve can tell too... Urgh I don't care about what happened between HL1 and HL2!!! I want to know what happen for the Borealis and all... But hey maybe one day in 50 years they will do a sequel xD  
> I hope you enjoyed it :) it would be nice of you if you could leave a comment so I'll know if I definitely have to stop writing about Half-Life xD  
> Thank you ^^  
> See ya !


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